Expression of the Self
by Suzanne Deakins, H.W., M., PhD.
- Students have asked me about the confusion, pain and restlessness they felt as it related to their sexual energies.
- The only way your internal questions and
restlessness can be answered is through spiritual insight and
study. No amount of sexuality, cyber or physical, will take away
the restlessness.. nor the pain, nor the guilt.. It will however
entangle you with emotions and questions that will stand in your
way for a long time. The only way out of this entanglement is
if you see sexuality differently. Sexuality is a form of creative
fulfillment where we know we are ONE with all life.
- The sharing of sexual energy feels as if
you are opening up and learning.. The opening up will lead to
learning as long as you know it must come from within. It comes
from contemplation and acceptance of your spiritual nature and
acceptance of the responsibility of your actions in life.
- It is important for each of us to set our
spiritual goals, that is what it is we wish to accomplish and
try to find our way to that path... No one can tell you what
that path is, nor can they give you more than an expression of
their experience. But in their experience you may hear a word,
glimmer an idea, or feel a fluttering of awakening, that you
can relate to.
- It is my belief that for consciousness to
survive we must have a reflection. That we must do more than
look into our personal mirror, but look at the "other"
and feel and see what is reflected back to us. Even in death
we are reflecting and never alone for the spirit to survive,
the consciousness must relate and reflect... just as mind must
continue to think, be it straight thinking, aberrant thoughts,
or grief thoughts it must continue to think. That is to relate
to the BEINGNESS of I AM I. For instance to say I am dying is
a statement of beingness of consciousness... of reflective thought
process. Each statement of I am hurt, laughing etc. reinforces
our BEING, our existence as consciousness, as spirit.
- Love, sex, hate and fear are all in the mind.
They start in the mind and end in the mind. The definition of
these are as simple as saying they are each a type of energy
and the manifestation of mind, God or TRUTH however you would
express these concepts. They too are a statement of being of
existence. The difference with these states of being are that
they are often emotionally laden... filled with beliefs and concepts.
These beliefs and concepts (and emotions) often block our thinking
therefore our choices and judgments may be erroneous or lacking
in some manner.
- It is my experience that all actions and
acts that happen in our life are actions and acts of GOD.. when
we are uncomfortable or pained by them it is because our belief
system is not fully developed where by we can understand what
is happening... If we look at past life traumas we can often
see where the trauma led us to a deeper understanding of the
Nature of Reality or TRUTH or God or LOVE however you choose
to see the experience.
- Often when we look back years later at incidents
we will see our child like reactions at the time and wonder how
this came to be. How we could have been so unaware of life and
its rhythms to have assumed such a child like stance? This ability
to review is peculiar to human kind. It is this alone that allows
us to look to spirit and see our unfoldment, while other species
may learn from their endeavors and use it to better survive.
- We take this ability to review far beyond
survival we take and use it change our very existence. We actually
are capable of changing the essence of the I AM I or Beingness
of our life. For instance we can change a hate energy to love
by simply understanding the motivations and our own responsibility
or lack thereof of an experience. We can change a child's understanding
to an adult knowing. In simpler terms we can stop thinking of
addition in terms of 2+2=5 and know the principle is really 2+2=4
thereby changing our whole relationship to mathematics and our
- Love in and of itself is an Energy. And energy
that is often expressed through attention and focus. A child
whose mother gives it attention and focus will say my mother
loved me. A child whose mother was self absorbed and focused
on needs other than the child will say I came from a loveless
home. The way most people think of unconditional love, which
we hear so much about, is often nothing more than a sense of
mother's love. Love that went beyond how we behaved or soiled
ourselves. Love that was there in sickness and health, in defeat
- It is my experience that when we say we love
another, most of us are saying I need you. I need something in
your experience to feel whole complete and spiritually sound.
There are of course exceptions. And it is these exceptions that
takes us to an adult realm of love that you might define as spiritual
love. Spiritual love is unconditional. BUT not because it loves
the soiled beingness or the trauma, BUT because like the beloved
it recognizes the potential spiritual expression of the BEING.
- As an adult one of our spiritual goals should
is to move our concept of love from that of a child's point of
view to that of a SPIRITUAL BEING.
- For us as children those who loved us had
several characteristics. They were in control of our very existence
and survival. The could inflict physical pain and emotional hurt.
For many there was a fear of what that love meant. If the parents
who taught us of love also abused us, then our concept or belief
of love is often filled with emotional pain and mistrust of others.
If our mother ignored us and we did not know love from her ...
our sense of love may be very needy, reaching out to others to
fulfill this void and accept us no matter what our behavior.
- As an adult, as you look back over your childhood,
you will see that your parental love is akin to your concept
of GOD or unconditional LOVE... As children and adults we align
our survival instincts with those in power over us... And as
we have seen with hostages often come to understand and love
the captors that would abuse us and kill us..BECAUSE as children
this is what we learned. We learned that a parent equaled GOD.
This phenomenon is often seen in women or children who are raped
or beaten. They will swear undying love for the abuser. Will
defend them even as they are killed bit by bit emotionally and
spiritually. Because they see the abuser in power therefore as
- Now as an adult you must re-learn what GOD
or LOVE can be. Understanding GOD and LOVE is what is a first
step for us all and yet it takes a life time of work and learning.
This means that bit by bit you must give up misconceptions and
your child's view, for a view of GOD and LOVE that is more principled,
wholistic, infinite and less bound by personality. This as you
have been learning is not an easy process and we make many mistakes
in our journey to find GOD and LOVE.
- In my experience, adult love is centered
on the beingness, the spiritual essence and spiritual potential
of those we choose to love. This may or may not include sexual
interaction as we commonly think of sex. It is a love that knows
the beloved is not GOD manifest by rather a manifestation of
the infinite variety of GOD and LOVE ..in common biblical vernacular,
a creature made in the image of GOD therefore worthy of all respect
and consideration due GOD or LOVE. NO ONE can give you an understanding
of GOD or LOVE. That is generated from within your thinking and
experience. If you allow it an other's action may give you an
experience whereby you better learn about adult LOVE and GOD.
BUT only YOU can have this experience and it is never the same
experience for those who are in the action of learning.
- We are solitary beings locked into a form
that does not allow us by conventional thought and belief to
know another. The exception to this solitary confinement is when
we have sex. Healthy Sex (healthy sex has little to do with the
action and more to do with the attitude in the mind) between
adults allows our energy to merge with another and for the first
time we are not ALONE. We feel whole, we are with companion.
We in this moment of co-joining feel and know GOD and LOVE as
it has never been known to us before.
- As long as SEX is between adults, consenting
adults in a manner that pleases and is fulfilling for both participants...
it serves a spiritual purpose. Along with the fun and release,
it serves to remind us we are of ONE SPIRIT. Used in a true sense
of caring and concern it can show us a God manifest in our actions.
It does not cause us to transcend our current beliefs and concepts
other than when it used in specialized exercises.
Suzanne Deakins, H.W., M., PhD.
© copyright 2012 Suzanne Deakins, H.W., M., PhD., Suzanne Deakins' Intentional Success
See also Suzanne Deakins article on Language and Culture: Outpicturing Consciousness
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